Challenging times

When you live with chronic pain every single day is a challenge. You’re expected to go on  with life, as if you’re body’s not screaming out for relief. You have to get up, (grumble, grumble), live your daily life just like everyone else, (mumble, mumble), when you just feel like curling up in a ball and crying yourself to sleep. But sleep is darned near impossible because you have a hard time getting comfortable. So, you punch pillows, curse, pray….whatever it takes.

You try to explain to people who couldn’t possibly understand, and they call you a whiner. You feel guilty for mentioning it to your family, when you know they see you struggling. “Hey, uh..did you know I’m in pain over here. Get your own sandwich”.  Add some family drama or other stressful events to this, and you have the perfect setting for a meltdown. (Meltdown is putting it nicely.)

I create so I can feel alive. I want to feel like my existence is more than that of a person who lives with chronic pain. I want to be someone.

For a couple of months, I’ve challenged myself to create something new every morning. You’ll never see some of these things. I don’t feel comfortable sharing them.

My newest challenge is to put everything into my work. All my feelings, all my thoughts, all my hopes, dreams, fears–all that stuff–will be going into my work. Yes, there will be pain. It’s part of my daily existence. 

I wasn’t thinking of angels when I started this digital painting. My thoughts were only on the work I was creating. It was a rare time when I was totally absorbed in what I was doing. As I added the finishing touches, my thoughts went elsewhere. I shared a bit about those thoughts with a close friend. Friends and familyImage make the challenge worth it.

 

If I could only share one message with you all, it would be to challenge yourselves. Even if that challenge is to just live in whatever moment it is that you’ve been given, really live, even despite the challenges of that moment.

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5 thoughts on “Challenging times

  1. I don’t want to get too personal and ask about what kind of pain you deal with. But it must make you stronger than the majority of people who don’t put up with it every day. I hope your art gives you some kind of relief (if not physical then at least mental relief!).

    Creating something every morning is so hard at times. I am so unused to be being creative that it becomes painful to try. I want to get better! Knowing you put up with worse and keep going helps me realize my problems aren’t too big, I just need to focus.

    Good luck with everything!

    • Thanks so much for stopping by and taking the time to comment. It is hard to focus, at times. Still, putting forth the energy to create, despite how I physically feel, makes a world of difference in being able to tolerate this. Any thing you do to put some sort of distance (in a healthy way) between you and the pain is good. I think just getting into the frame of mind where we want to create is a good thing. hang in there, and please don’t ever give up.

  2. I suffer from several chronic illnesses and live in a lot of pain. My advice is to live in the moment. Live one day at a time. Some days I have to live minute to minute. It’s the not giving up that is the hard part. I use mindfulness and meditation to make it through each and every day. I’m disabled now, so I’m trying to find new things that interest me and that I’m able to do since I’m unable to do most of the things I used to do. I’m not very creative so making things is out, but in time I will figure it out. I like your art work. I wish you lots of luck on your journey.

    • I agree with you. having this condition has forced me into a more positive, present mindset. I’ve had to train myself to stay in the moment. Though, I sometimes still fail miserably in staying present. Still, what’s consistent with me is that I am able to stay in a more positive frame of mind, for the most part. I think we all have the ability to create something,even if that just means creating within ourselves a healthier way of dealing with things. Thanks for stopping by!

  3. Thanks for your reply. I, also, fail miserably at staying present, sometimes. It’s the not letting myself stay stuck there that I’m working so hard on right now. Have my moment, my day, my hour whatever it is, then pick myself right back up and get myself back to the wise mind. I am getting better at staying in the wise mind more often than not. Have a great evening.

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