Creating a New Me

This is my drawing, ‘Broken Goddess’.  It’s one of my more recent works.  I’m not unlike lots of people; I’ve experienced some tough things in this life, things that have left me broken.  I guess you could say I believe in ‘God’.

That’s somewhat of a sticky subject with me.  I’d prefer to say that I’m spiritual.  As
a creative person, I’m in tune with all the colors and shapes around me, all the
negative spaces in between things.  I can’t help but believe that someone
created all of this.  I believe in the divine and think the term ‘God’ is
overused. Without prayer and meditation, I don’t believe that I would ever have
experienced healing in some of those broken places.

About four years ago I decided to recreate myself.  I developed an anonymous identity on the internet.  I told people that I was a funny person with a great sense of humor.  That was a stretch from the truth!  I was actually miserable, angry, intolerant, and depressed.  Though, I had my rare moments when I could take all that pain and use it to fuel some belly-laughing humor.  Someone told me that I was funny and I decided I
liked the attention and love I got from others when I said something funny.
(Who wouldn’t?) So, I decided I was going to be funnier.

Right about that time, I met a few wonderful people who introduced me to the idea of love.  Yes, I’d heard of love before. But the love I’d heard of came packaged with conditions, guilt, and fear.  I’ve always been a very analytical person, always deep in thought.  I thought seriously about my concept of the divine.  It did not measure up to the love that my new friends talked of.  I learned about tolerance and gave
up my prejudices, began to see and appreciate the creative spirit that exists in
everyone.

Love is creating a new me.  I’m not going to lie and say that I’m a very loving person who never hurts other people.  I still hurt people.  I don’t intend to, but it happens.  I can still get ugly.  Those are the times when I allow the stresses of daily life to get to me.  I’ve found that spending time in meditation really helps to set the tone for a much better
day.

I’m learning to love myself.  I’ve stopped blaming myself.  I give myself credit where it is due.  I use positive affirmations to strengthen my confidence.  My faith, along with the love and support of people I know, helps me to live with chronic illness and other life challenges.  I focus on the positive and even dream about my future. All those broken pieces are coming together.

Advertisements